Anxiety is horrible. 

You can think only about what's worrying you and you're trapped in your mind. You start having domino thoughts and that paralyses you. 

You want to cry to let it all out but you can't. 

Your mind races and you can't stop it. You can't sleep..you can't focus on anything but what you're worrying about.

You want to get moving but most of the time you're paralysed. 

You might get pins and needles. 

When you find the courage to open up to someone..most of the time you can't explain what you're feeling,what your fears are. 

Your mind races too fast for you to keep up and turn your thoughts into words and coherent sentences.

You can't sleep..you just keep tossing and turning in bed,until you realise you won't sleep anytime soon,so you decide to get up and try to distract yourself from your thoughts.

The point is..until you don't find an escape..a bit of a solution or something rational to  grip on while drowning in a sea of bad and sometimes irrational thoughts..the only thing you can think of is your worries and these said thoughts. You can try to study..to do work..to watch TV..to read or write..but for me,when I am having really bad anxiety, none of this does really work.

Turning on fairy lights and watch them..smelling candles(I was given 3 candles by a dear friend,I love them and I keep them on my desk ready to grab and smell when I need to) can help..at least it does for me.

But still,when you're having bad anxiety..you can't focus about anything else but your worries and bad thoughts. You somehow shut out everything else and the only thing you can focus on is the worst case scenario,that keeps playing and playing in your mind...over and over again.

You can't escape from this prison. Thinking rationally whilst dealing with bad anxiety is difficult.

But after feeling bad for a while..if you're lucky..you might remember of a dear friend who understands how you feel. You might tell him/her what you're thinking about and in the end you might come up with a little bit of rational thought for you to grip on to stay afloat your sea of bad thoughts. 

For example..yesterday,I myself,managed to text a dear friend whilst having really bad anxiety. 

I told her about what I was worrying/panicking about and she gave me her opinion about it.  

It helped me a lot..and after a while I came up with some bit of  a rational thought. 

Where I live, there's so much stigma about mental health and most  non medical people think mental health issues different than bereavement related depression and psychotic episodes/illnesses(schizophrenia ecc) don't even exist. Finding a good healthcare professional to help you with MH is so hard especially here and so it is to break the stigma surrounding these issues. Most people..are scared about MH issues or think someone caused them to himself or is feeling bad on purpose. Most MH issues have an actual physiological cause underlining them..for example,depression might be caused by low levels of serotonin and noradrenaline which can be measured with an LP(cfr Dr Tim Cantopher- Depressive Illness the curse of the strong) caused by the limbic system malfunctioning.

Mental illness is a real illness. I am trying to learn more and more about it and to find the strength to break this wall of fear and shame that surrounds it..in the hopes of asking for proper help to an healthcare professional..one day,hopefully soon,rather than later.

The point of all this rambling is..if you suffer from a mental health condition(or,in my case,you think you might be suffering from one)..try not to isolate. 

I know first hand reaching out is really hard. 

But try not to isolate. Reach out to a friend or to your parents or on your Twitter or wherever.

And don't be afraid of mental illness.

If you know that a friend of yours or someone you know is struggling..try to support him/ her.

As someone who might be suffering from depression as well as anxiety..I can tell you..talking to friends or to someone,really..can make you feel better.

From my experience,I can tell you that thinking of someone who' s struggling is never a bad thing. Of course you don't have to text that person every day..as that can be annoying. 

But..a text saying: "big hugs. Thinking of you".

Or even..if you're close, a little gift with a card..to say "I hope this little gift makes you smile".

Or even just..showing you care.

From  personal experience,I can tell you that can make a world of difference to someone who's struggling.

#EndTheStigma #SupportSystem #Anxiety #Depression